Vol. 2, No. 2 • Spring 1998

Teaching with Praise
by Shawn Vogel and Kara Chatham

Many child care professionals will tell you time and
again of the importance of praising your child. But as
anyone who has tried to follow this advice knows, it is
easier said than done.

As parents, it is often easy for us to focus on the inappropriate behaviors, but more difficult to see the appropriate or approximations of the appropriate behaviors. We tend to take for granted what our foster children know and what we need to be teaching them. We sometimes feel that by only correcting the inappropriate behaviors, we are doing them justice. What we really need to consider is being more conscientious about praising their accomplishments, no matter how small or seemingly inconsequential.

A common error many of us make is to think, "My child knows when she does something right. I don't have to tell her." Unfortunately, many of the kids we serve in foster care do not always know right from wrong, good from bad, and therefore, they are unable to make determinations about when they have done something well.

When foster parents praise kids, they are setting limits and expectations and providing opportunities for kids to feel successful. When kids feel more successful, they have more self-esteem and want to continue doing better because they are reinforced for doing so.

Praising kids is an easy thing to do, once you get used to it and once you know an effective way of doing it. The following are a few things you will need to do to ensure that the praise you provide is effective.

1. Praise specific behaviors. If you are not specific with what you are praising them for, kids will get confused and will not be reinforced by your teaching.
   Example: "You did a super job cleaning your room by picking up your toys an putting them away."
   
   
2. Give the child a reason how it will benefit him or her. Kids like to know why it is important for them to engage in certain behaviors. Giving reasons allows you to help the kids see the benefits of appropriate behaviors and explains how these appropriate behaviors will help them at school, with their siblings or family, etc. The reason you give must be child-oriented so that it makes sense to the child. What adults see as benefits are not always the same as what kids see as benefits.
   Example: "When you do what I ask right away, you will have more time to play with friends."
   
   
3. End your interactions with general praise. Reinforcing once again with praise allows the youth to feel good about what he or she has just done. It also ends the interaction on a positive note.
   
   
4. Vary your praise. There are times when you can have "too much of a good thing," and this applies to certain works associated with praise (i.e., "good job"). Praise can be very positive unless you constantly use the same words to express satisfaction with the kid's behaviors or performance. Foster parents must vary the words that they use so that the praise comes across as sincere and meaningful. A good source of different ways to express praise can be found in "Fifty-one Ways to Praise a Child."
   
   
5. Catch 'em being good. You cannot praise your child effectively if you do not observe situations where they are engaging in appropriate behaviors. You need to make concerted efforts to catch your child being good and reinforce that child with praise.
   Example: Two children are playing a game together without arguing and fighting. Praising the children by saying, "You are playing very well together. I'm proud of you," is a good way to reinforce their appropriate behavior.

So, praise your kids for the little things they do as well as for the larger achievements. It make you feel good, and the kids appreciate the recognition!

Shawn Vogel, MS, Coordinator of Evaluation and Kara Chatham, MA, Coordinator of Training and Recruitment, Methodist Home for Children, Raleigh, North Carolina.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families