Vol. 8, No. 1• November 2003

Feelings and the Future

by Melinda Medina

Editor's Note: This was written in response to Letters from Foster Care

These letters represent how foster youth feel about their parents. Social workers, foster parents, counselors, and others need to know that these feelings are a reality. Kids really never blame their parents. When kids feel like this the people around them shouldn’t discourage them or talk badly about the parent.

If you emotionally support what kids are feeling, show them love, and allow them to be who they want to be and feel what they really feel, the child is going to be a better person, both now and in the future. Who knows? If you sit back and watch the child you might even learn something about yourself.

Nine times out of ten, the more you try to suppress what the child feels about their parents, the more you will hurt the child. Often kids who aren't allowed to deal with these feelings leave foster care at 16 so they can be with their family, even though that isn’t the best place for them. Now, if they were able to see their family or talk about them more, maybe these kids would stay in the system, which is usually the best thing for them.

I think counselors, social workers, and foster parents should allow children to write a letter like this at least once a month, even if it isn’t mailed to the parents. It would allow kids to get their feelings out.

Melinda Medina is a member of the youth advocacy group SaySo. To learn more about her, read the article "North Carolina Woman Named 'Youth of the Year.'"

Copyright � 2003 Jordan Institute for Families