Vol. 1, No. 2 • Summer 1997

A Day in the Life of a
Foster Parent
by Joanne Caye

The first thing you notice about Edna Lancaster is her smile: big, warm, instantly engaging. Next, her vibrant energy comes rolling over you...this is a lady on the move. One might say, this is a lady on a mission.

Since 1979, Edna and her husband, Bobby, have opened their home to more than 50 foster children, most of them with "special needs"--some type of physical or mental disability. That is in addition to a core family of three biological sons and Matt, who the couple adopted in 1986.

Edna is often asked how she does it all.

"I answer, 'Well I can't sing or dance! I consider fostering to be my special gift--it's what I do best, and what gives me the most personal satisfaction."

The family today
Six foster children, five boys, and one girl between the ages of 5 and 19, currently live with the Lancasters. We have changed their names to preserve their privacy.

Jim and John, brothers with significant mental handicaps, have lived with Edna for 11 years. They came to Edna with very poor social skills and problems with frequent bedwetting, which went on for years.

Wayne is 14, has explosive outbursts, and has real trouble staying in school all day.

JoAnn and Eugene are both 12. Both attend a BEH class, although in different schools.

When 5-year-old Jerry came to Edna, he had been in five foster homes in one month. His placements weren't lasting long because he required 24-hour supervision. "He would get up in the middle of the night and go outside and wander around," Edna recalls. "I slept on a pallet in his room for probably a year after he arrived to keep him from going out during the night."

Edna strives to provide the children with a sense of security, based largely on regularity.

"The children enjoy and feel comfortable with the sameness of a really structured family setting," Edna says, recounting an anecdote about a child who recently returned to the Lancaster home after having lived with them for a time three years earlier. One of the first things the child asked was whether Sunday breakfast was still pancakes and Sunday lunch was still roast beef. "Sometimes the most insignificant thing can be a treasured memory in the life of a child," Edna says.

Serving breakfast to seven or more kids is a big undertaking, as is the rest of the Lancaster family routine.

Take medication, for example. Among them, Edna's children require more than 50 pills a day. Edna had to take special training to learn how to dispense that much medicine. "I have to document what medicines which children get, when I give the medicines and what the generic and brand name of each medicine is," she says.

Then there is the list of contacts Edna must deal with on a regular basis: teachers and administrators at six different schools, six psychiatrists, four social workers, a probation officer, a Willie M. social worker, and the licensing worker.

A typical weekday
A typical school day starts at about 5:30 A.M. when Edna gives herself 30 minutes to wake and get going. At 6 A.M. Eugene gets up, walks the dog, and catches the bus at 6:30. He eats breakfast at school. Jim and John are up at 6:45. They vacuum and clean up the kitchen--their regular chores-- then leave at 7:30. By now Wayne is up. He takes all the clothes from the bathroom to the laundry room, sorts them and starts the first load. "He usually picks towels because they are easy," Edna says.

JoAnn dusts the dining room, and after breakfast, is driven to school by a neighbor. Bobby drives Matt and Jerry to school.

Then Edna leaves for her job at Lancaster Electric, where she answers the phone and runs errands. "That allows me to leave if one of the children has a problem or a doctor's appointment for medical checks and counseling," she says.

Jerry and Wayne have serious troubles with school some days. To support the school staff and to keep the boys from getting suspended so often, Edna now carries a cellular phone with her everywhere she goes.

"I get at least one call from a school every day, and sometimes more. 'Come by and talk about....' or 'Come by and pick up...immediately,' or to help the children take their medicines."

At the end of the day Bobby is the house chef. Edna has nighttime meetings about two times a week, and gets visits from social workers two or more times a week. Other foster parents often call for advice or just to talk.

Trouble at dinner
During dinner, Wayne is having a hard time. He is angry and not able to control himself. He grabs the top of the Corning Ware serving bowl and breaks it. Now he is yelling at the top of his voice. In his tirade, he gets up from the table and bangs up against Edna.

Edna puts her finger to her lips, a signal for quiet, and motions the other children and Bobby from the room. Wayne is talking loudly, being rude. "I'm not going to time out! I'm not going to bed until I have my treat." She sets the time and tells him, "You can come back to the dinner table when you are calm. You have 15 minutes."

"I'm okay inside because I know he can't help it when he gets like this," Edna says. "The other children obey and give the troubled one space because they know they all have their turn."

The future
Edna tries to keep realistic expectations of the children in her home. She accepts that few of the children she fosters will ever graduate from high school. But vocational certificates might be within reach for some, and attendance certificates for others, possibly followed by a job within their abilities.

"I hope I have motivated them to try, and have taught some of the skills they need to succeed," she says.

Because of the nature of foster care, Edna won't always see the end result of her devotion and time. By this printing, Jerry is scheduled to be back with his birth mother. Edna believes he has a chance of succeeding there now.

"We have been working toward this day for over two years," she says. "I am so happy. Next week I'll cry and cry. Bobby worries that no one will buy Jerry ice cream on Sundays."

Edna says she couldn't do it all on her own, that having a husband who also loves foster children has been essential, as is taking time out for herself on a regular basis. "Sometimes I pamper myself by having my hair and nails done. And I also like to tan," she says. About three times a week Edna walks by the beach to relax, and on weekends she makes sure to get away for a while, "to sit back and smile about the little things that I normally would have been too rushed to stop and hold onto."

The big things seem all right to her, too.

"It's a great feeling to know with no uncertainty that I really made a difference in the life of a child."

Edna and her family live in Wilmington, North Carolina. Joanne Caye is a clinical instructor in the Jordan Institute for Families, part of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Social Work.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families