Vol. 14, No. 1 • November 2009

Debunking Common Myths about Sibling Placement

MYTH: The “parentified child” should be separated from younger siblings to give him/her a chance to be a child.

Separating such a child from younger siblings is detrimental to the younger ones, who now must face placement in an unfamiliar home without the older sibling who could be a source of comfort and support. It is also a negative experience for the older child, who feels responsible for the care of siblings and may suffer great anxiety about their fate. Placing such a group with a resource family that understands the sibling dynamics can allay the fears of all the children and allow them to gradually develop a more “normal” relationship.

MYTH: Brothers and sisters should be separated to prevent sibling rivalry.

Sibling rivalry is a fact of life in all families. It’s even possible that such squabbles are a way children learn to deal with other forms of conflict. Separating siblings to prevent sibling rivalry increases the trauma of removal and denies children the opportunity to learn to iron out their differences in a safe, supportive environment.

MYTH: A child with special needs should be placed separately from siblings in order to receive more focused attention.

Children with special needs also have the same needs all children have—to be loved, to belong, to feel safe. Families are what satisfy these needs, and brothers and sisters are part of families. In addition, placing a child with special needs alone makes him or her the sole focus of the resource parent’s attention, distorting the child’s sense of place in the family and possibly overwhelming the child. Living in a family as just one member of a sibling group—as the child did in the family of origin—allows the child to maintain normal relationships with brothers and sisters and with the new adults in the family. A better solution is to recruit, prepare, and support resource families who can effectively care for both children with special needs and their siblings.

Adapted from Casey Family Programs, 2003

Copyright � 2009 Jordan Institute for Families