Vol. 3, No. 2 • Spring 1999

What a Child Might Say

So are you wondering what I need?
Are you wondering what I would do about all of this
if I had the power?
First of all, it would help a lot if you would start with
one simple, clear commandment to yourself: Never
forget that I am watching.
Never forget that every single thing you do matters
immensely to me (even when I work like crazy to make
you think that it does not).
And I will remember.
You may be able to get away from treating me as if I am invisible for a while (perhaps long enough to �disrupt� me or move yourself to a different casework job).
But, in your heart of hearts, you know: I was there, watching, I was having deep feelings about what was happening to me and I needed someone to act as if it mattered, hugely.
Second, don�t imagine that I will ever stop yearning for my birth family (even though, as in other things, I will pretend otherwise).
Help me find some way to keep a connection with them, even if I never see them again.
Bring out pictures or a Life Book and hold me while I rage or sob or stare, or all these at once.
And understand that none of this is a reflection on you.
Don�t be surprised when I come back from a visit with them peeing my pants or throwing tantrums in the bath that night.
I told you: things matter to me.
So I am going to have feelings about things that matter to me.
Third, it would help a lot if you would make the decisions that you need to make and stick with them.
Some days I think my mind is going to explode because I know something is going on in my life but I can�t tell what it is; later I�ll learn that there was a court hearing that day and everybody in my life was wrought up and then it was �continued� (whatever that means�except mostly that nothing is getting decided, and I still don�t have a family).
I don�t get to make the decisions.
You do.
So have the courage to make them.
So that I can get a life.
Fourth, it would mean a lot to me if you would take good care of my foster family.
They have their hands full.
Sometimes they don�t know what to do with me.
So make sure someone is there to answer their questions, to encourage them, to help them understand me better.
You won�t like what will happen if I keep getting disrupted, and the only way I can think of to prevent this is to take extra good care of the people who are taking care of me.

From the videotape, Multiple Transitions: Portraying a Young Child�s Point of View on Foster Care and Adoption.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families