Article: Tips for working with birth parents

Reach out to parents. Tell parents what wonderful children they have. Even if you believe the children should not go back home, you can still send pictures, talk to the parents, and listen to them.

Expand your notions of partnership. In MAPP training we learn about the partnership that exists between DSS and foster parents for the benefit of children. To ensure positive, permanent results for children we must include birth parents in this partnership.

Never run parents down to their kids. For example, if a parent has a problem with alcohol, make it clear to the child that it�s bad to drink too much, but don�t talk specifically about his or her parents. When children know you accept their parents, regardless of what they�ve done, they are easier to deal with. If you disapprove of their parents, often they think you disapprove of them, too.

Offer to talk with kids after they visit with their birth families. Ask them what they talked about, what they did, and how they feel. This shows them that you care about and recognize the importance of their bond with their family.

Don�t be judgmental. As Brenda puts it, �That�s not my job as a foster parent�my job is to help the child through this transition and to show him what life�s supposed to be like.�

Look for something good. Although sometimes we feel birth parents don�t have any redeeming qualities, there is good in everyone. If you know this and remember to look for it, you�ll find it, even if it�s just that they have a beautiful child.