Vol. 2, No. 2 • Spring 1998

What I Would Like Social
Workers to Know: Expectations
and Desires of a Foster Parent
by Phyllis Hoffman

Trying to take care of a child who is in your household, yet officially part of a system rather than your own family can be a very difficult and frustrating experience. However, with assistance or partnership with the social workers assigned to you and your child, this challenging job can be made easier and less stressful. The relationship between myself as a foster parent and my social worker (licensing worker) and my foster child's social worker can, in fact, be the determining factor in whether or not I choose to be a foster parent on an ongoing basis. Clarifying expectations is one step in building a successful relationship and working as a unified team to raise a healthy child.

I will be presenting five areas that seem critical to me if a partnership and solid working relationship is to be built between foster parents and social workers. I understand that the social worker assigned to me is primarily adult-focused (licensing issues, support, etc.) and that the social worker assigned to my foster child is child-focused. However, when identifying areas of concern and clarifying my expectations, there was a tremendous overlap in these critical areas. Therefore, I have not delineated expectations for one type of social worker from another, although their focus is different. I expect both social workers to help me in my role as foster parent by:

1. Being a provider of information. Tell me what I need to know, promptly, sensitively, and in a timely manner. Don't make assumptions about what it is I need to know; if it relates to my foster child, or may affect my family life in some way, I probably want or need to know it. This may be straightforward, such as medical information on diet or infectious diseases, or it may be more obscure or subtle, such as domestic violence that the child has been exposed to, which may surface in some form or another through the child's behavior or emotional state in my home. Please make sure I won't find out information through gossip on the street.
   
   
2. Being a good listener. Ask me how I am, or why I called, or what's up, and then listen. Try to be patient, understanding, and open. Please don't call me just to relate information, or to give me something to do. Take the time to find out my response to what you are saying and then respond to me. I need you to take an interest in what I say. For example, if m child is having reactions to a non-supervised or supervised visit, and I relate them to you, I need you to care and then follow through with appropriate action.
   
   Let me know that you hear me. If we're talking and I'm asking you lots of questions about a prospective foster child, don't respond to me by saying you want me to ask questions. There's a subtle but important difference when you respond instead of saying "You're asking lots of good questions, do you have any more?" One way acknowledges what I'm saying, the other ignores it.
   
   
3. Being respectful. Treat me like an equal partner on the team that's working for the best interest of the child. If you'd like me to do something, ask. Seek out information from me. Who would know better than I what's happening with the child in your custody? If what I know and have to say is not important to you and the rest of the treatment team, then I should not be allowed to be a foster parent. Give me advice when I ask for it, or when you deem it in my best interest. Otherwise, listen.
   
   
4. Being a supporter. Look for opportunities to give me feedback and praise. Help me deal with a system that repeatedly puts obstacles in my path. Help me deal with other people on the team who may be difficult for me to work with. Help bridge the gap that may exist if a partnership or team is not working for me. Be helpful, resourceful, and reliable.
   
   
5. Being available. Call me regularly, let me know you remember I'm out there. Call me back, even if that means calling me in the evenings so we don't play telephone tag for a week. Remember, the child in your custody is a family member in my home, part of my everyday life. I cannot always wait a week for a response. Please be sensitive to the fact that we're dealing with people's lives.

Knowing what I need, want, and expect from a social worker is crucial to a beneficial relationship. Being able to express these need is empowering to me and enables me to get the support I need. However, I fear that if I am empowered to express myself, that I will be criticized, judged, and deemed a bad foster parent. I do not want this to happen. I recognize that I must also be respectful, nonjudgmental, and realistic when dealing with social workers and other team members. My goal is to have a mutually respectful and satisfactory relationship with all of the people on the team. Hopefully, clarifying expectations will help lead to a positive foster parenting experience.

Phyllis Hoffman is a foster parent in Orange County, North Carolina.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families