Vol. 2, No. 2 • Spring 1998

Parent to Parent
by Karon Lashaw

Question: My family and I want to become a foster family, but we are concerned about losing our privacy. We've heard about the "glass house" syndrome experienced by foster parents but don't really understand what that means. Can you please help us to understand how our family privacy will be affected by becoming a foster family?

Response: Privacy is a really important issue to consider if you're thinking about becoming a foster family. To help us explore this issue, we should look at the definition of privacy and how foster care and privacy relate to each other. The word privacy has at least two relevant definitions: 1) "the quality or state of being apart from company or observation--seclusion;" and 2) "freedom from unauthorized intrusion"--one's right to privacy.

The first definition implies that we (the family) choose who we invite into our home to be a "part" of our family and to observe how our family "works." The second definition implies that we (the family) are free from unauthorized intrusions, or visits. An unauthorized visit is one in which we (the family) do not give prior permission for the visit or for the persons making the visit.

When you and your family make the decision to "open" your home to a child in foster care, you are "opening" your home to more than just a child. You are inviting (actually you are authorizing) a whole new world of individuals and organizations to observe you and your family.

Children in foster care come with social workers, guardians ad litem, and a host of other individuals, depending on the specific needs of the child. Each of these people has a specific interest in the welfare of the child in foster care, and each is concerned with how your family functions, interacts, and behaves, both emotionally and socially.

You have an obligation to these people to answer their questions about your family because your assistance helps them to be more effective in helping the child. Your obligation also includes going to see many of these people at various times and permitting these people to observe your family in various situations. When you become a foster family, you willingly open your home to children and the people who make up their extended support network. In other words, you give up a degree of your privacy.

Many of the people in your child's extended support network will visit the child in your home, at school, at church, or at play on many occasions. Often these meetings are scheduled in advance, but many of the people involved are not required by law to notify you beforehand.

While these visits might appear to be "unauthorized intrusions" upon your family, they are a necessary part of ensuring that your foster child's emotional, mental, physical, and social needs are being met. You "authorized" the visits the day you accepted the child into your home, thus giving up another degree of your privacy.

Living in a "glass house" implies that everyone "sees" what's going on in your family. To a large extent this is true for a foster family. You and your family need to be prepared for the fact that other people will know what time you get up in the morning, when you go to sleep at night, when you eat, what you eat, where you eat, what you watch on TV, what you listen to on the radio, what type of language you use around the house, what type of friends or relatives you visit or have come over to your house, whether you go to church and, if so, where and how often, and a whole host of other "private" matters concerning your family.

Karen Lashaw lives in Alamance County.

Copyright � 2000 Jordan Institute for Families